I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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