I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
