Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
