I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
