If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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