Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
