Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
