Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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