I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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