I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
foreskin is a definite game changer
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
