Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
