There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize