He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
