There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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