I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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