Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize