So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
