I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
