Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
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He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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