so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
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It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize