there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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