And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think your dad took our porno
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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