2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
