Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
