Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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