I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
