3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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