i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
