In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
