I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Im just a social blackout drinker.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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