dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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