you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
