I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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