So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
