I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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