I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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