I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
