how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
