but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
