you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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