Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
