ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
