i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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