if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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