Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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