yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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