Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
people are starting to question the shark bite story
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
