just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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