i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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