so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
