but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
