No stitches, just platelets and will power
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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