When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
