Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
