You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
