the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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