Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
