I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How's work?
Spinning.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
